I’ve gone Seoul searching. I’m on my second cup of coffee today. Standard in Seoul. Coffee is consumed like soju, here. Every day, and copious amounts of it. The people back at home questioned me as to why I was leaving a somewhat comfortable career of luxury fashion and very minimal responsibility; and flying around 8000 kilometres away to a country I had only ever experienced once.
The people here question me why I have come to a country that is even hard for its own citizens to make it. Unless of course you sell yourself to the hyper-capitalist “devil” that reigns supreme here. I can manage Korean somewhat and have a grasp of Hangeul (reading and writing) somewhere between basic and intermediate. The days spent here are improving that but the language I think in is still English. Is that what is holding me back? I’ve surrounded myself with mostly Korean friends with an odd 외국인/waygookin (foreigner) friend here and there. I’m fortunate enough to work at a bar, in an area that normally doesn’t hire “foreigner” staff. Korean surrounds me every day now. Yet somehow I’m unable to break from my Western cage. It is also perhaps this, that has me balling my eyes out whenever I come across “Koreanness”. I would be generalizing if I labelled all Koreans duplicitous but there is something in that Confucian tradition that renders people here to default to indirectness and ulterior motives.
Perhaps I’m not being culturally and socially aware enough. Where is my empathy? I’m more aware of my privilege here. I have a Western education and a freedom I have been taking for granted. Then why am I trying so hard to be Korean? Why am I trying so hard to fit in? First, I came here in pursuit of someone I thought I loved and perhaps I had been disillusioned by the many Korean dramas I had consumed. If fairy tales don’t exist in the West they certainly don’t exist here. Secondly my Korean “brothers and sisters” constantly ask me why am I wasting my time here. In rebuttal of that, I don’t think we waste time. I certainly am not. I’m twenty-five in a country that is going through its Golden Age. South Korea’s soft power in Asia, South America and the Middle East will soon rival that of the U.S’ in the post-modern age. Opportunity here is abundant. Isn’t life what we make it?
I’m here on a one-year visa and the last three months have been a roller coaster I wouldn’t have never been able to ride back home. So what am I really trying to say? Coming to Korea to live? Watch the ride first, so you know what to expect (pay a visit first). Keep your head; hands, arms, legs and feet inside the ride at all times (learn about the culture, Korea is heavily Confucian and collective – individualism is often frowned upon). Finally, keep your eyes looking forward and your head up (though it might not turn out what you want it to be, life is about the ride)!
Gone Seoul Searching.
Wtf?