KMK: K-Pop Shebop

K-pop is one subject I have yet to touch upon because, frankly, I find it to be daunting. Before coming to Korea I didn’t even know K-pop existed and never gave the Korean music scene a single thought. Whereas subtitles make Korean cinema accessible there is no equivalent for songs, unless I’m just out of the loop, and so K-Pop never blipped on my radar.

That all changed of course when I came to Seoul where I learned that K-Pop is not a Korean breakfast cereal or new brand of chewing gum, but a booming genre of disposable music. And when I say disposable I don’t mean to cast any derision on K-Pop, because I realize that the times have changed and the days of classic pop songs that excelled in lyrical content, production, and amazing vocals are long gone. There won’t be anything like a Thriller, Baby Love, or I Say a Little Prayer in today’s pop music climate.

Pop music, K-Pop definitely included, is all about image, production, and videos. Talent matters not at all, but can be a bonus if you possess the other three criteria. This is not all doom and gloom because the Pop music of today at its best can produce songs that blaze through music landscape like a shooting star before being devoured by the beast of consumer culture hungry for the latest and greatest thing.

I’m talking about songs like Crazy in Love by Beyonce or Sexyback by Justin Timberlake that will never last the test of time, but delivered a fun booty shaking, head bopping dance floor experience. Pop songs like that are sonic candy tantalizing the ear drums. So if K-Pop singers can produce a jam like that then I’m ready. Which is where the Metropolitician enters the picture. Just as I started my foray into the Korean music scene I stumbled upon a post of his regarding the decline of K-Pop.

Dag! I guess I missed the boat.

Still, his post provided a starting point with singers like Rain, Superjunior, The Wonder Girls, and DBSK, who he believes all suck-some more literally than others by his estimation. So with that morsel of intrigue to guide me I began my K-Pop education with a youtube odyssey of DBSK.

Image:

Well, how can anyone not see the calculated styling of the DBSK boys right down to their matching, but individually distinctive color cordinated sneakers? The look is all there: the just enough clean-cut boyishness that moms approve of coupled with the too cool for school posing that the 13 year old girls must eat up like candy. This K-Pop group has their boy band chic down pat.

The member on the far right must be the “star” about to break ranks and go solo considering his stance apart from the group and the questioning stare of his bandmate to the left.

Video:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDITeXObEjE]

The first video I watched was for the song Rising Sun. The video starts off on the right foot with glistening boy banders posing with introspective looks. We get the names of each member flashed as they each appear on screen so you can at least try to remember their names (always a problem in Boy Bands). The boys of DBSK, wearing black and shadowed by guys in white, then break into some Matrix-esque dance moves inside a club. The guys can actually dance, which i found entertaining. The choreography, while not innovative, did fit right into today’s dance scene and they worked it out smoothly.

That’s basically the hightlight. From there on it gets repetitive and the video doesn’t seem to tell a story at all. Worse, they include some old school Brady Bunch split screen that put each member’s head against a orangy background. Who uses that kind of backwards technique today? Maybe I just picked one if their bad videos.

Production:

The production seems like someone tried to emulate Timberland, but just didn’t quite get there. They just couldn’t nail the way Timberland uses odd sounds and juxtaposes them against each other. The synth sounding eighties elements especially seem odd. Don’t get me wrong the song has its moments but overall it doesn’t make me want to rush to the dance floor.

Image:

Come on, the dog says it all. It’s as though the image makers are overcompensating for Rain because he really isn’t traditionally handsome. He really doesn’t have those pop star looks and comes across as the guy next door. Which I guess explains the need for the dog to be just as gelled and styled as he is because every little bit helps. Based on the photo alone I have to think that someone this average looking must have some vocal talent.

Video:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QPzZSa3DVc]

Keeping up the sun theme I choose Rain’s video Escaping the Sun. It starts off with him running through the streets of Seoul with a look of angst. Angst always appeals to the teenyboppers, good start. Cut to daybreak with rays of sunlight piercing the sky and Rain fleeing as if he’s a vampire or something. Awkward, but hey, maybe he is a vampire or has that weird skin condition that makes him allergic to light. Anyway, he makes it to an abandoned building where his back up dances slink out of the shadows, ready to bust a move.

Can I just that I wish I had a team of back up dancers ready to pop out any location to perform a theme appropriate dance routine to mirror my experience at the moment? I hope he pays them well because the dancing really is impressive. However, I hate to note that at this point he seems to morph into a seventies gay porn star. What is he wearing? Someone must have been fired after that disaster of an outfit. I guess the wardrobe guy thought Rain was doing a duet with the Village People.

At this point he turns violent, which I would too if someone put me in that get up, but it comes across as cutesy more than dramatic. The sun really must have pissed him off to drive him to battering tvs with baseball bats.

Production:

Okay, I admit it. I like the song. I have no idea what he’s seeing about, but the beat is low key and moody and is easy on the ears. Surprisingly, his voice is too. I’m not sure what the Metropolitician is smoking, or not smoking, but this Rain guy can sing. Though, it is an overly produced track and not a live performance so I guess the jury can still be out.

Image:

Thirteen! Just the thought of trying to keep track of thirteen members in family let alone a boy band, just gives me a headache. I think it’s best if we just sum them up one by one with a word or a phrase starting from the top left and working our way to the right:

1. Gothic Wonder 2. Future Convict 3. Mom’s Love me 4. The Smart One 5. I’m Really a Girl 6. 30 years old 7. The Normal One 8. The Gigolo 9. Miami Vice 10. The Gay One 11. Manimal 12. 16 Candles
13. Nepotism

And there you have it: Super Junior.

Video:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnAuaX9i-1E]

Before searching for one of their videos I had all kinds of thoughts: will they all sing on the track? Do some lip synch and let others do all the work? If you bumped one off would anyone really notice? The logistics of 13 pop singers trying to make their mark on a 3 minute song left me wondering why their weren’t more fatalities in Super Junior. I’m sure someone is just itching to smother their bandmate in hair gel or push them off the stage.

I chose the video Happiness
and I have to confess that I only watched ten seconds before turning it off. Lets see how long you last.

But if their whole concept was to parody a Mentos commercial, then Kudos they nailed that, but I took it at face value and simply couldn’t stomach it to see it through to the end.

Production:

The Mickey Mouse Club has moved to Korea and has 13 new members. Those smiles must have surgically enchanced to be frozen on their faces so long in that video. I’ve never found happiness to be so grating.

Image:

The Wonder Girls in all their ethereal glory. Are they air sprites made flesh? Nope, they’re the Wonder Girls one of the latest girl groups out of Korea and K-Pop’s latest darlings. Well, they’ve got that casual chic down and the look in their eyes says “you know you want to be me.”

Video:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwKGDxKwB8g]

I opted for their video of Tell Me. Points for the kitchy video that actually seems intentional, opposed to the oblivious Happiness video by Super Junior, but I don’t know. It’s hard to criticize because I’m beginning to realize this just isn’t meant for me. Sorry, Metropolitician but yes you are old and so am I because this has to be targeted at ten year olds. I mean they actually took their names literally and popped out in a wonder girl outfit?

And the girls look so much younger here than in their photo above. It’s refreshing that the singer’s age and material actually seems to match that of their fans (I’m looking at you Janet), but really what is this 12 year old going to sing to me about? I guess it’s irrelevant because I don’t understand Korean anyway.

Oh, and yes, their dance moves need big time help. I don’t think Paula Abdul could even come up with crap like that. Hire a professional girls, don’t make it up as you go along.

Production:

An eighties flashback for real. I thought I was in the eighth grade again. Who could dance to that when your face is trapped in a rictus expression of disbelief?

So, there you have it, my brief rundown on the K-Pop offerings. I guess through it all I found Rain to be an unexpected surprise. Yes, you may want to stone me for saying that, but the Korean Usher will be going on my playlist.